Kukka went over the Rainbow bridge
19.03.2006 - 04.05.2011
I became to know two dalmatians before, during, and at the end of the disease called idiopathic epilpesy. In two dogs I have seen the extreme personality changes, which corresponded to the typical side effects of phenobarbital and the neurological defects of the seizures themselves. I have shared the despair of the owners, I stood by them and tried to get information from the Internet (scientific publications, epilepsy-forums, etc.) to share their sorrow to keep their hope alive, and to make the final decision with courage. Without exaggeration I can say that I have learned a lot about the disease, both in this family of dalmatians, in dalmatians in general and in other dog breeds. I realized that there is a very aggressive form of epilepsy existing in dalmatians, where the therapy success is extremely modest and the side effects are extreme. And yet, when on 28/2/2011 my Kukka got her first grand mal seizure, I realized that the disease was not as bad as I thought. It was worse.
No outsider, and even if it was that he, like me, he has seen some epileptic grand mal seizures and has learned about the disease in all its pitfalls, cannot understand the harsh reality when one is affected then himself. This crazy desperation that one comes over with this aggressive form of epilepsy, the indescribable helplessness, the unability to provide his dog a long life worth living for, these misunderstandings, the many not to be taken diagnoses and speculation about cause of seizures and treatment success in other breeds and dogs, circling the Internet, not all of these feelings of despair, fear, doubt and anger can be expressed in words. No professional, no breeder, no friend, absolutely nobody can say what is the right decision, because all these people do not live with the dog, do not experience the gradual disintegration, the 24/7 present fear that the dog could die in status epilepticus. It's all alone, the lonely decision of the owner, who cannot run away from it. And it is a constant up and down, in between some are days when everything is normal, the dog is looking forward his life, and the hope that phase lasts as long as possible. Up to then brought back again into the brutal reality is cruel, painful, and the cycle begins again to spin.
I decided not to treat Kukka with any antiepileptic drugs, especially because within 2 weeks it was clear that the form of epilepsy, Kukka suffers from, is this aggressive one. Kukka was such a fun-loving and intelligent Dalmatian, she had a learning ability for detail, a sense of humor, an endless curiosity and inquiring mind, she had such a strong personality that could have been distributed on two dogs. Treatment with a drug that has a sedative effect, and because of it for ethical reasons is no longer used in humans, and has also led to liver failure in dogs I know, I considered simply as an unacceptable restriction of life quality. Anyhow it was clear that this form of epilepsy, the seizures cannot efficiently be reduced by medication or any other epigenetic influence. After 14 grand mal seizures in 10 weeks, I noticed an essential change in Kukkas daily behavior, which was reflected in the form of compulsive behavior (incessant licking her paws on my legs or Susu), restlessness, and compulsive begging and attention seeking. The exact same behavior changes but in even extent I have seen in related dalmatians shortly after the illness. At this time we had drawn a connection to the side effects of drugs but not to any disease related course. It seemed to me morally irresponsible to pack on Kukkas already changed personality now the side effects of a treatment. Kukka started disliking long walks, social contacts, and her tail was not wagging anymore during the whole last week. I then decided to put her to sleep. It was a painful decision, but it always is and it never feels good. For those who think now that I had given up on Kukka too early because each single day in a dog´s life counts, to those I can only say: Good thing you think so, and I hope for you, that you keep it that way, because if not, you are also experiencing this aggressive form of epilepsy that I do not wish for my deadliest enemies!
Kukka leaves a huge gap behind. Her indescribable, beautiful and witty character took so much space that now suddenly everything is empty. I myself am still in shock and cannot understand that she is now gone. I am so paralyzed that I can´t yet cry.
And I am angry that so many misunderstandings, prejudices, and underestimation of the disease are in circulation. And I am angry that the breed clubs of dalmatians seem to have no interest in avoiding this disease by supporting the Canine Genetic Research. I try to steer me away from eliminating the reality, but it is everywhere. There still is Kukkas collar hanging, there are still traces of her nose to see on the window, and I'm still waiting to wake up, and it was all a bad dream. I know many dalmatian owners will face the same nightmare, because the genes are spread widley already and without any gene test no breeder is able to avoid this risk unless deciding not to breed at all. It is not getting less risk if just the one and only“official known” male is been taken out of breeding! What about the bitches of epileptic dogs, and their offsprings, and siblings and parents? We all know that some continue breeding with so called potential carriers because they have no other choice if they want to breed. Don´t they have another choice?!